Here We Go Again!

You know how The Universe sends you the same lesson until you get it? Well… I thought I learned my lesson. Not well enough, though, apparently. 🙄🤣

The job I thought was going to be amazing turned out to not be so amazing 🤷‍♀️ Obviously, I left. I left jobs where I felt mistreated before, taking a leap of faith when I didn’t have another job lined up, to stand up for myself, claim my worth, and overall, take care of myself the way I deserved. Each time, I got better and better at it, but I stayed depressed because I was overwhelmed with anxiety over the future… How am I going to get a house if I don’t have a good job to pay for it? How am I going to take care of my children? Will I ever even have children? Will I ever “make it” writing? On and on, the “beat myself up” merry-go-round continued, less and less each time, but it still happened. I wasn’t focused on the NOW, on today, right this moment, the way I should have been. I was frozen in the what-ifs of not even just tomorrow, but the next 5-10 years or more, destroying my own happiness from the inside, out. I’m not going to lie—I quit a month ago, and after the initial two-week high from quitting, I had a two-week depression about my future that I FINALLY BROKE THE CYCLE OF! 😁😭 (I’m keeping an affirmation journal of only thoughts and quotes that make me excited and keep me moving forward. So far, it’s working!) Will I still have setbacks? Of course! I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life, but I still don’t give up, and I still don’t live with regrets. That’s the most important part, the most important intrinsic motivation to keep going no matter how hard it gets. No regrets.

I think the most substantial mindset shift happened for me shortly after I quit, when I finally had the eureka moment I needed: Why would I spend so much energy fixing a company when I could spend that energy fixing my own life and making my own dreams happen instead? I’m saying no to bad food and bad habits, and I’m saying yes to fulfilling my purpose writing and bringing ultimate joy into my life. Each day, I wake up, take care of my puppy’s morning needs, eat breakfast and read, work out, do at least one chore a day that needs to be done to make the monotonous everyday maintenance a little easier to handle, shower, and then I write (or try to 😅). I’m finishing my third novel and diving deeper into my fourth. It’s not about “making it”, or living a “normal life”—it’s about being happy today, and that’s what I’m doing, from here on out!

To being joyful today! 🥂

“Surrender your old story and become willing to embrace a new one.” – Gabby Bernstein

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